My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He has the fingertips of a God
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
