I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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