i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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