Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wear drunk well.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
