I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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