At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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