I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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