Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
