I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
