so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
