im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
