YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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