So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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