he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
