my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a beard to bite.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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