i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
