Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
