Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
