I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
