Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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