you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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