I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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