Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
