I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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