Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
