you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
