I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
