I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
