Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
