I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
