So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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