I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
