out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
