i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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