U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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