If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Panties = found
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
