you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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