I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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