got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
