I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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