My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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