I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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