the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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