I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
two words: eviction party
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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