I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
