I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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