If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
