I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
