It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
