Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
