you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
