OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
