last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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