She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
