So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize