i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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