At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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