No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
