Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize