Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
3 2 1 whiskey
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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