i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
