Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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