THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just pee around me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize