just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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